So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
