i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
