I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
