'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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