i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
