The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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