3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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