It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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