cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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