Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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