It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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