i think my tv is drunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
