he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
