Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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