wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
