I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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