i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
