I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
