i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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