She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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