Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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