My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
