Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
