rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
