I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
