I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
