I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
