either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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