So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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