Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
