Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize