Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
