pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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