so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
