Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
