He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
