i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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