I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
