don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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