In the future we'll all be gay
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
