Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
