Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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