Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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