I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
