Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
