Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
