So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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