I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
