your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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