Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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