i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
