Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
