Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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