dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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