did you get engaged???
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
