I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
