I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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