I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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