i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
